Long Enough

here they go again.
they did it once again
i could not help but grin
this is so unfair

i always kept my composure
i always kept my silence
but.... i think... this is too much
i had bear it long enough...

what's next... i still don't know....

where do i go from here?

few days from now...
i'll finish the thing that I'm doing.
few days from now...
i don't know where I am going

a lot of things to do are listed
but they are not for me.
i don't know where to go
and don't what to do....

should i tell you?
though i fear negative reaction
though i'm afraid of rejection
though i know it will give a wrong notion....

sigh....

how?

it's kinda sad.
got misinterpreted.
got mis-quoted.

right now, i find it hard to think.
i find it hard to react.
i find it hard to breathe.
i find it hard to accept.

it used to be ok.
it used to be fine
so sudden...
it changed....

i don't know how to react...
i don't know what to say...
i don't know...
i might just be mis quoted again.

so sad....

kinda tough

cheering oneself is some kinda hard
especially if you're crying inside
people see u as tough
thus should not show them, u're sad

have it all

i often told myself..
i feel sad
i feel empty
i am not happy... anymore

but don't be mistaken...
i am happy with my life
i know i'm blessed
but .. we can' t really have it all....

namamanhid

'di ko alam kung bakit ako nalulumbay
tila di pansin ang sinag ng araw
kahit patuloy ang inog na mundo
nakakabingi ang bawat segundo

naiinip ako
nababagot ako
hinahanap ang mga nakasanayan ko
na biglang nawala dahil sa ibang tao

bigla na lang nangyari
nang di ko man lang nawari
pinaghirapan ko ay nawala
nang di naman "daw" sinasadya

buti na lang mabait ako
kahit masama ang loob
kahit sumikip ang puso
project pa rin ako

parang walang nangyari
parang walang nangyayari
parang walang nararamdaman
kahit puso at laman ay nasasaktan.

no use

i rather not talk
because u won't listen
i rather not let u hear my voice
because you're mind is close

there's no use to reason out...
i'll just be wasting your and my time....

quality and quantity

i want to know everything
i want to have it all
but it seems i can't
i lack time...

but i have no regrets...
i still believe in...Quality.
Quantity is second best.

it's ok

sometimes.. i say it's ok
sometimes.. i say it's fine

but deep inside... it's not..
i'm disturbed..
i'm disappointed..

but...i still pray...
and THY will be done.

still.... even if...

i grew up a fighter
not physically
not verbally
but emotionally

i had learned to hide my feelings
my feeling down
my feeling of disappointment
my feeling of sadness

i had learned to be strong for myself and others
for my friends
for my family
for my love ones

others may find me strong
others thought that I am tough
but they don't know that i also get tired
that i also cry when nobody see

i also feel heavy inside
i also have my weaknesses
because i am also... human...
and at times i need help....

(unless...u don't believe...that i am...harhar)

friends

sometimes...
it's sad to lose somebody
somebody you considered a friend
somebody you trust
somebody to treated well

why does people only recognizes ur fault
forgot the good things u've done for them,
forgot the good times you've shared with them
or simply juz forgot everything

true friends should share secrets
true friends should be able to share insights
should not keep hatred and dismay
instead be open and true

it hurts to lose a friend... but life has go on...
i think... people in ur life come and go...
now i believe...
friends that come easy...go easy...

but true friends will remain true friends...
no matter how far they are
no matter how long you're not seeing each other
no matter what....

what's with me?

there's something with me...
i don't know what
i kept on smiling
for no reason at all

i should be sad
for losing in a challenge
but seems i'm just doing fine
and was not even affected

did i change?
did something happen?
hmmmm.....

worth a try

there was a time that you said what you feel
you've shown what's on your mind
but rejection went on the way..
and just ruined your morale...

will there be some other time?
will there be any hope?
will there be any chance?
or just same old reaction?

dont know if i can still say
what i want to say
what you ought to hear
what you ought to know...

i guess i will...
i still will...
but when and how...
that.... i dont know...

finished this in less than 5 mins..

Right Then

Modified Julia Roberts' line in "My Bestfriend's Wedding".

If you have something to say....
Say it...
Say it right then....
Say it out loud...

Or moment just passes you by....


Hard to be a middle-man.

will?

will i ever have
will i ever be
will there be
or just ... this...

Buti na LANG

written way way back April'02. i was so demotivated then.

Buti pa yung scrapped lots, hinaharap.
Buti pa ang low yields, pinapansin.
Buti pa sila nakikita....
Yung iba ...hindi.....

Buti pa FQA fails, hinohold.
Buti pa ang fail OS, inaayos.
Buti pa ang EOS,pini-fix.
Yung iba....hindi.....

Buti pa bent leads, nire-rework.
Buti pa rejects nire-rescreen.
Buti pa sila may pag-asa,
Yung iba.....wala....

am i ???

m i over reacting?
m i being too sensitive?
m i unreasonable?
m i inconsiderate?

how will i know?

12:20pm

what ifs

what if i resign today
what if i move to the other group
what if i voice out my concern...
what will?

what if i get pregnant next month
what if i needed to rest
will there be a change?

lots of questions
lots of wonders
lots of what ifs...
still no answer... do i want an answer?
now..idon't know...

1120am